Don't cry over someone who wouldn't cry over you!

“Even when it might be tempting to give a toxic romance one more try, knowing when to cut your losses and move on leaves you available and baggage free when the right guy comes along.”

I read this from one of those online “what girls are doing wrong in a relationship” articles.. but it’s so true. Or, I have to start telling myself it is.

My friend, we’ll call him Bob, is more confusing than a high school girl. He likes me and cares about me, but doesn’t want to be in a relationship. He calls me a lot, wants me to see him, but when I do..he says I’m being clingy. And anyone who really knows me, knows that that’s why I like to date guys in the Springs..we only see each other maybe twice a week. I hate it when guys get clingy!

I’m one of those girls where I hate to fight. And if I get upset, I have the mind of a guy where I forget a couple hours later of why I was upset in the first place.  But with Bob, all we do is argue. We got into yet another argument and normally, give it about a week and things are back to normal. There’s something different about what happened tonight. He broke the last straw, and I just can’t do it anymore.  I just know that we will never talk to each other the way we used to or when I see him, it will never be the same again.  But maybe this is a good thing. I’m still trying to figure out where I’m going in life or even if I want to stay in Colorado.

This is the semester that will determine where I go in life. I’m either accepted into the PTA program, or I’m done with Colorado and moving on. It all comes down to two exams on if I’ll pass or not. With everything else going on in my life, this fight is the last thing I needed.

But like Leona Lewis says, “Since there's no more you and me, it’s time I let you go so I can be free and live my life how it should be. No matter how hard it is, I’ll be fine without you. Yes I will.”  

Anyone up for a run?!

I have decided to train for a 10k race..Run the Rockies!! It starts at Copper Mountain and ends in Frisco, CO..which is going to be awesome because my bosses have a condo in Frisco!! A bunch of friends and I are going to run the race and stay in the condo. It’s June 12th, so I only have 2 months to train my body in running 6.2 miles! 

I want to be a big ol' loser!

Back to eating healthy, back to the gym and back to school. It’s back to the real world since I’ve been back. Ok, I’ve said enough backs..but when you come back from vacation, it’s back to life, back to reality. (and yes, now I have that song stuck in my head)




I was driving down Hampden, and right up the street from me is a Burger King..I haven’t had any fatty fast food since November.  For some reason, I was craving a big ol’ whopper!! Why does fat have to taste so good?! I hear that saying..nothing taste as good as being thin feels. That’s the only thing that keeps me driving past it. Well, that and I have a personal trainer that weighs and measures me every month..

..this is what i want to be!!!

                                                                

I started out going back the gym on Monday… didn’t last too long cuz I swear, the gym was rocking back and forth..along with the treadmill! (It's been almost a week since getting off that ship, and my house is still moving!) I was doing so well at training for the Boulder Boulder 10k race that’s coming up... maybe I’ll find another race later in the summer to train for..

                                                   
School stinks! Big time. Naw, it doesn’t, I have just been at the same school for 5 years now..and I’m just done! If you look at my transcripts, I have all A’s. (well, one C because of a crazy PSY teacher) so my GPA is a 3.8.. This semester is different. I’m only taking two classes..BIO-the “what I should have learned in 5th grade” version and yet another PSY class.. Normally, I have to have an A. I’d do whatever it took to get that A…now.. I’d be happy with a C..hey, I’d be passing right?! The only thing that’s keeping me afloat is my application to the Physical Therapy Assistant program. I turned in my application the first of March, but haven’t heard anything back yet. Maybe it’s a good thing. Semester is over the first week of May and I’m back on another vacation to VA. They said they’d let us know by June 30th.. Let’s hope I don’t hear back till I get back from my trip.

Best Spring Break EVER!

I had two spring breaks, and it’s just what I needed..I think.


During my real spring break, I was getting ready for the week I was going to miss while I was supposed to be in school.

Then while I was supposed to be in school, I went on a cruise to MEXICO with my mom, sister, Aunt and Grandma.

The week started out on a Monday, flying out to San Diego. After flying out there, standing in a long line to get our cruise card, we finally were able to go aboard our carnival ship. After Rebekah and I explored the ship, we hit the buffet line. What we didn’t know is that that buffet was open…24 hours. We could eat whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. Little did I know, this would be a problem for me later on in the week.

Then there was our “boat drill” where we all had to go to our mustard station, line up and were shuffled to where to go just in case of an emergency…but if I had to find that location again..forget about it!

Every night we went to a fancy formal dinner room, where the waiter would even push the chair out for you and put that fancy napkin on your lap! Again, another problem… you could order whatever you wanted!!

The first day at sea, Bekah and I laid out in our swimsuits, watched some shows on the outdoor stage, went down the water slide, and of course, got burned!! In between lying out and dinner, I was laying down while everyone else in the cabin was watching the afternoon show that the cruise director did. There on the show, they would read peoples requests. Of course on the first day, there wasn’t any. So, one of the entertainer staff told people, “I’m looking for a lady, 21-27 to call me.” Bekah calls the show and hands me the phone. After a couple minutes of talking to this guy, we decide to meet up at the comedy show that was going to happen later that evening. There was a show at 10:30pm, then again at midnight. At the end of the 10:30 show, I went up to this guy and said..Hi, I’m Rachel. We then proceeded to the night club to talk, but it was too loud, so then we moved into a lounge where it was quieter. After sitting down, he lights up a cig and asks if I smoke, I of course tell him no…and that’s where it got weird. We had nothing in common, but he still asked me to hang out with him later that night. I change and when I come back I didn’t see him, so I left. I saw him the next day after he taught the “Thriller dance class” but showed no interest. It would have been ok, but of course, we kept running into each other. It was kinda weird when I happen to get in the elevator, and he was there too… we just didn’t say anything to each other.. but hey, it was fun meeting someone new and to have that distraction from Jonathan.

Then came our day in Cabo San Lucas. St. Patrick’s Day! We had to take one boat to get to the marina. Once Bekah and I stepped into Cabo, we went parasailing!!! It was soo much fun!! After parasailing, we took a boat to get to the beach. Once on the beach, all you heard was Mexicans walking up and down trying to sell you stuff. We then went to a Mexican restaurant where the waiters were putting on a sombrero shoving tequila down your throat. Just a couple tables away, they were doing a wet t-shirt contest and trying to pop balloons with each others bodies. After our lunch, we quickly left. Because the water taxi would charge us again, we decided to take the hour long walk back to the marina. For some reason, 80 degrees in Mexico is much hotter…

The next day was Thursday. I woke up really feeling the boat rock back and forth. I already had a motion sickness patch on, but I think it was wearing off. I skipped breakfast, and at lunch time I took 2 motion sickness pills. Ooops.. you’re only supposed to take one every 12 hours. I was knocked out the rest of the day. I woke up to go to the formal dinner, but then went back to bed. I woke up again trying to go to the nightly show, but was too sick. I went back to the room, and slept until I woke up the next morning and we were in Ensenada!!

I stepped off the ship and took a tour bus to the famous la bufadora. There I was surrounded by another round of Mexicans wanting me to come in their store to buy everything offering me “great deals”. I ended up with a faux D&G pink purse. (Totally cute!!)

I made it back to the boat to do what??… eat…again. Of course after dinner, I was feeling sick again and missed the last show of the cruise. I went back to the room to try and pack but ended up in the bathroom…regretting eating so much!



I got to the airport in San Diego and I swear, the airport was moving back and forth! I of course got to turn on my phone with a couple moms asking for play dates and the guitar teacher asking me where Matthew and Lucas were.. nice to know I run the show around the house..



I pulled up to my house this morning to see Scott, Matthew and Lucas walking up the street. I parked my car and running up the driveway was my sweet boys with the biggest smile on their faces running into my arms..even though they are now 10 and 8. It made my day. I have never been away from them for longer than a week and at that moment I knew it was going to be so hard when the day comes I have to say good-bye for good.

Am I holding back because I'm holding on?

ok so this whole bloggin thing kinda sucks. Well, it doesn't suck.. I just don't have any time. It's after 1am and i have to be up by 8 to go to a dance class in the morning. I'll make this quick.

So, my weekend started out of reminding me of why i hated going to church- I couldn't be myself. I say one bad word, and it's like i'm going to hell right then and there. I can't help it.. I'm not used to watching my mouth..even my parents are used to it. I'm not going to change, so i just need to watch who i hang around more..
I also hate going to church feeling like its a competition. I started coming back to church taking it more serious a little over a year ago. I came back to learn more about the gospel. What have I learned? I've learned where to find the good shoes and great deals on clothes just to fit in. I've learned that in order to get invited to anything, you have to talk to the right people. They say that the ward is like a big family..please, its a sorority. You have to be perfect, say the perfect things and talk to the perfect people just to fit in.


What I need to learn is to not care what others think of me and just know I'm going to church for myself, to better improve my life, and learn how to serve the Lord and to put my trust in Him.
 
I've been really stressed out with school and trying to please everyone else, i'm taking it out on my friend Jon. Jon had Sunday off, but instead of making time to see me.. he makes other plans.. with other friends that i'll never be able to meet. He hardly has a day off and it is irritating that he doesn't like to spend any time with me. I only see him when I go to him at Checker to bring him dinner. We of course got in a huge fight.. we fight all the time, but something is different about this one.  He says he's awkward around me, he doesn't want me right now, but then when HE'S ready, then HE'LL come fight for me, to be with me!!!??! What the hell am I supposed to do with that?? I tell myself I need to move on. That I deserve to be happy. My problem is.. when I'm with him, I am happy. He knows everything about my past, and doesn't judge me. I can be myself around him..but maybe that's the problem..maybe I'm too comfortable around him. Another problem is that we fight- all the time. Its usually about why he doesn't want to spend time with me.. he says he does, he just doesn't have time. But watching my brothers date and talking to other guys, the consensus is if a guy likes you, he will find the time. I see the kind of man he can become and I just want to be there when that change happens. So..do I move on..or continue talking to him hoping that change will come sooner rather than later?
 
Life is so confusing. I need to trust that whatever is supposed to happen in my life, will happen when I am ready.
 

My first blog!

I have never blogged before.. but finally after being told a million times I should try it, Steph set me up an account and I'm going to attempt to write about my life and my thoughts. Both the good and the bad.